Do you have a refined palate, no, it’s fine nor do the hundreds of food bloggers who are raking in the cash as we speak, if not the free and delectable food, If someone had told me the inner workings of this world, when I was rich and spoilt, as a kid, then I would’ve been excellent at food blogging, but now without the money or the inclination to do something as pedantic as blogging about food, which has enough wannabe’s on that bandwagon, that it might just break its wheels and fall into the mud, that it’s hardly worth the time.
I know some food bloggers who are great at their job, exceptional at what they do, because they are tough, they cook a storm in the kitchen and hence know the flavour profiles and the subtle spices and ingredients that many people won’t be able to ascertain at first bite, and those are the only one’s worth listening to, not the random losers who keep on giving glowing remarks to all the food that they’ve tried, because let’s face it, you might not get a complimentary meal if the person you’re writing about doesn’t like what they’re reading, much like some food bloggers who might read this, and then instead of getting more serious about their art, try to take the frustration of not being called for free food out on yours truly, but I can handle that.
The beauty of food blogging that was started by the great magazines like Food &Wine, Food Network and other internationally known brands that dealt in food was an eye opener for many, because food tasting and recommending is hard, not everyone likes the same type of food, not everyone is going to fall in love with your mom’s cooking, but you’ll know the food blogger in the room, from the over the top praise they will single out and give to each ingredient, really going over the top with their command over the language, yet having none over their ability to lie outright.
I recently sat down while in Bangalore with a lovely lady, who told me the inner workings of the blogging world, especially food, and though she was guilty on many occasions of giving favourable reviews, she mostly kept it simple and to the point, never going over the top with her imagination and love for food, she said that any person who has money to start with can start getting a reviewer status, slowly in a month even, you can start climbing the ladder of bloggers, until in India at least you get a credit rating of 8, on Zomato, the Zagat of India in essence.
Some people are intelligent though, and start reviewing restaurant chains, which is quite ingenious if you don’t’ have money, and really appreciated by a cunning mind such as mine, but if I ever do start this mundane sort of writing, it wouldn’t be for the big hotels, it would be for the little guys, the street vendors, the one who really have the talent but never the means, they are the one’s who truly need to be showed off, the less ingredients and the less fancy the utensils, the better the food that sometimes comes out of these kitchens, having attested to some of them, I know what I’m talking about.
Food blogging, for the most part, is like fashion blogging, yet the difference is that in fashion blogging, if you fib, then you are easily caught out, even though both relate to a person’s taste, what people don’t understand it, that sometimes, if not most of the time, the common people on the street like me, don’t want to hear about your expensive meal that was put on the charge card or the dress that matched the shoes, which would cost me my salary, I want to know the place that did something special in their food, that would make a memory, I want to know about the shirt or shoe, though not branded is something that might be just as good, if not needed, don’t speak of it.
So want to be a food blogger, then just write well, imagine adjectives to define food and just get your rating to 8 if you’re in India or try to get the equivalent of your country’s food guide or site that offers it and then just join the circus of food aficionados who are eating for free, not to mention by actually not even helping the restaurant that they’re screwing over as well.
I will tell you simply how, check the food blogger who is coming to your restaurant, now imagine that you are intelligent enough to not invite anyone who has less than 5,000 followers because those one’s aren’t serious enough to even try, or if you think someone writes well then call them, but remember that they won’t be helping that much. now imagine that a blogger with at least 5,000 followers on social media, not counting twitter or facebook, because if you find a food blogger with those numbers, then pay them the cost of the meal itself to get them in, but otherwise be vary.
Food blogger x comes into the restaurant and kisses your ass for the meal and then goes and writes a couple of lines on Instagram, shares a few paragraphs on her blog, and you see the number of likes on both around 1000, that is the threshold, for any social media account that has less than 20 % engagement rate isn’t worth the time, as they have either paid for their account or have brought followers, and these are useless, to begin with, as they will only get 2-4 people into your restaurant through that way.
Also check the tags, some food bloggers and losers tend to use tags that are reciprocative likes, or in the same vein, these aren’t about the post at all, they help boost artifically the number of likes that can be seen and hence are not about food but about business, and you can do this yourself, you don’t even need to do much, have a restauarant give me a call on my cell phone, I won’t even charge you, it’s simple to gain likes on social media and better yet, its easier to show off food, as clothes and food are the hottest selling things in the world.
Remember that food blogging is only done to get free food, but you’ll have to first pay in order to gain a specific rating, having rich friends I should’ve started this a long time ago, but it’s fine as no amount of kissing ass is going to make me be in the company of someone who isn’t worth my time, but that isn’t for everyone, so If you’re rich and have a weekend craving and don’t know what to do with your life, start food blogging, it is the easiest thing on the planet, but remember to learn to cook first, thanks and enjoy your week, peace the shizz out.