Shadows Speak #273


The Shopping Trip from hell.

Having been in relationships for most of my teenage, and adult life, I have never come across a woman who hates to hide her sorrow in shopping for things she doesn’t need, just to gain a calm, that might shatter with the next upheaval that would be waiting, yet the cycle exists and the women in my life go shopping, if not drinking to mask the hurt that they have incurred, at the hands of others, sometimes at the hands of themselves, but this story is about a different kind of hurt, and a different kind of shopping trip, because this time, one of them took me to buy clothes, and it was hell.

I normally don’t wear things just to discard and then remember in a moment, when my eyes find them again, I wear fixed things, that are comfortable and make me not want to project anything but the fact, my clothing sense, and what limited style there is, hasn’t changed since college, and I wouldn’t want it to change too much, because brands and advertising feed on the anxiety that comes about when your mind wants, what your life can’t afford to buy, hence leading to your heart asking another person, while some would say it’s a waste of money and time to buy new clothes, to show off to people you don’t like, and to impress a small number of people, who might just buy something, having seen that you have bought something new, that’s not who I am, yet this one time I let my heart get the better of my mind, and me and Giggles, because she was boisterous and always smiling, went to change the style quotient that hadn’t been touched for a decade.

We went to a mall that for the better part of the previous year had been home to some of the most influential trendsetters in the fashion world, and though I wrote about fashion, because the money was good, and my ability to imagine and bring creative poetry into works, always made me a target for lifestyle blogs, I began to feel this sudden need to run, having never run from a mall before, the thought of doing so now, was the only thing keeping me standing still, but giggle was a nice person and she had this way of making one feel comfortable in the most trying of circumstances, so we went to the first seller of trends, and they began showing me the most basic of color schemes, there was nothing special about the things on offer, other than the tag that set them apart, and the pricing that made one’s jaw drop, but giggles was happy, and thus I went and tried out clothes, it was something new for me, having normally picked things and not cared about names or brands, but this time, my fingers were hesitant, because the mind wanted to please, but the heart was wondering why.

I have always had a fascination with dark colors, not knowing whether it’s psychosomatic, or mainly just a point of taste, but royal navy blue, and dark bottle green, have been my favorite colours, hence my choice initially was pre-decided, until giggles wanted me to try this audacious red flare type of shirt, which would make me look like a damn beetle floating around, and that was when I drew the line only because style was one thing, but not feeling comfortable in one’s clothing is another, so we came to a truce, she could pick one shirt, and I would pick one skirt for her, this was on the offset a pretty innocent bargain, but little did I know, that the ways of women are never as innocent as first seen, having purchased my shirt, she now took me to the ladies stores, which were even more pompous in their need to show prodigality, to the point that, I would’ve sworn that some of the salespeople were actual models.

Giggles went about picking clothes, like a general picks his best men for a sortie mission, and from the looks of the number of things that were being hurled around like a South Texas hoedown was taking place the same night, my feet began to feel tired, from simply seeing the hurricane that had walked into the store with me, uprooting, and taking what all laid in their path, and then turning to me and from time to time enquiring whether I want to drink or eat something, she was part of some club, which had special privileges at these places, and I was simply too amazed to even let it dawn on me that the woman I was dating was filthy rich, having never paid or asked a woman to pay for me, money was always split between the two, going Dutch was the only way I ever dated, and will ever date, because paying for a woman in my book, might seem prudent, but it doesn’t help them gain independence, tying them forever in a loop, from their parents paying, and then their husband or boyfriend paying, it isn’t right.

After a while though, I began to tire and sat down, seeing that the mayhem wasn’t going to end anytime soon, but it was the knowledge that she wanted me to choose a skirt, having let her choose a paisley coloured shirt, with stripes no less, that made me look high and low, like a panther does on the fields of a moonlit night, waiting and wondering what might be revealed in the glow, and that’s when I saw the skirt, having never shopped for a woman before, and having no idea what made me choose, but when in doubt always go for blue, dark blue is the best thing to wear with anything, there is a reason why Levi’s and wrangler have been successful, and it’s not because they had a brief tryst with white jeans, that was a faux pas that no one would’ve wanted, yet somehow, they brought into existence, God knows why.

Having seen what I wanted her to wear was easy, finding what she would like just as tough, but after I showed it to her, she simply said no, having made me buy a shirt that was ridiculous, she simply didn’t even acknowledge the fact that what I wanted her to wear, was worth a second glance, without even asking me what I thought, having made a suggestion, the whole thing was hurtful, yet I wasn’t the kind of guy to take it like a child, and simply went and sat back down, she must’ve noticed that I wasn’t impressed with her aloofish condescention, because she tried to placate me by saying she’ll try lingerie out, and let me choose that, like all men can be coaxed with the carrot of sex, sadly this bugs bunny wasn’t biting, and that was how the whole hellish day began.

The next 3 hours, were spent in stores, with one person showing consideration, which was me, believe it or not, because my pride is very important to my mind, yet the thought of not seeing a girl happy is not a price that my heart wanted to pay, so for the whole time that we were there, I went along, buying and seeing, not agreeing with some of her choices, because that is not me, and still she just bought them, it was unnerving for someone who controls his emotions well, yet the situation was importance for growth, hers, and mine, and thats why I played along, and went about the day.

We went for lunch, I told her that we’ll pay our share, and she looked at me shocked, like other women had before, but this time it was for the sole purpose that she wanted to pay, she didn’t want me to even reach for the cheque, or think of the money, and that was something that I wasn’t going to do, because I had friends in the past who I let pay for things, and then in the night was sleepless, in the knowledge that I owed something to them in return, because that’s what guilt does, and that breeds fake loyalty, which I wanted to get rid of, never wanting help again, this one meal was another changing point, she wanted a man who would simply be there, and be nice, and be articulate, so her friends will be jealous, seeing that she had someone who didn’t look handsome, yet he could carry himself well, was a gentleman and a thespian, but at the cost of my individuality, we broke up a few days later.

I met giggles again………but that story is for another time, and another place……to find.